


Misery Is a Butterfly

by LynyrdSkynyrd



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 08:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3970765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynyrdSkynyrd/pseuds/LynyrdSkynyrd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I knew you in another lifetime. And I loved you too much to let go in this one.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Misery Is a Butterfly

**Author's Note:**

> I have no time for this but here we go.
> 
> I said this storyline is too cheesy but, oh, well.. I am a loser. And my English is not very good.

1. **I know a ghost can walk through the wall yet I am just a man still learning how to fall**

 

Neymar is a child who was born with a special talent. And unlike what you think, this talent is not related to arts or sports. No, it is something beyond your imagination. Let's start from the beginning.

 

 

Neymar has always been a daydreamer. When he was a kid, he tried so hard to tell his parents, and other adults, all the colorful and vivid paintings in his head. But he failed each time. There was 2 reasons. One; People lose their imagination as they grow up. Adults, they, simply don't get it. Two; These painting and scenes in little Neymar's head were so bright and lively that a kid at his age doesn't have enough words in his vocabulary to portray them. Therefore, Neymar decided to keep them to himself.

But people get older and meaning of everything changes.

As Neymar grows up, he started to believe that these painting and scenes were not only a flawless output of his imagination. He knows how crazy it sounds but _'what else could it be?'_  He was not a child anymore and suddenly all the fun was gone. There was something so disturbing about them and Neymar was not sure if he wants to keep seeing or imagining them. 

One day, something happened.

Neymar is proud to say that he was a very social kid. He has never been one of those sad, lonely or angry teenagers. He was not depressive. He was a happy and cheerful individual. So when his school organized a trip to Toulon, he happily followed his friends. Toulon was a nice place. But Neymar had no intention to follow his teachers and other students to cathedrals and various cafes. Neymar was here to have fun. So he, Rafinha and Dani jumped on the first train they found and went to Avignon. It takes 3 hours to travel from Toulon to Avignon but being away from teachers and being free was what they exactly wanted. None of them complained.

 _“Lasciate mi cantare con la chitarra in mano lasciate mi cantare sono l'italiano..”_ Neymar was watching the outside through the window of their compartment when Rafinha randomly started singing. He looked at his friend and rolled his eyes. Typical Rafa.

“Rafa, you fucking idiot, it's Italian, we are in France.” Rafinha tried to remember a French singer or song. And when he successed, he raised his hand excitedly.

“Edith Piaf?!” Dani eyed their friend uninterestedly.

“Give up, boy.” Rafinha frowned at them.

“What? She was French.” Then he raised his hand again and Neymar groaned. “Oh, oh, another one is coming.. um.. Mylène Farmer!” If he was not wearing a very expensive sunglasses, Dani would facepalm. “Is Christian Delagrange French?” Neymar leaned against the window and closed his eyes as Rafinha tried to remember the lyrics of _L'amour n'est rien_.

When they arrived Pont d'Avignon, a 15 year old Neymar was filled with joy and excitement. He wanted to be free, he wanted to see new places and even if it was only for a day, he was still feeling great. There was no tiredness. At least that is what he thought. Because when they were walking on the bridge, Dani and Rafinha were discussing which country makes the best waffles as Neymar suddenly felt dizzy. Maybe his friends talking about waffles reminded him his empty stomach. But he was not hungry at all. Neymar likes eating and he never misses a meal. He thought maybe being 15 years old does not mean you are limitless and that he is tired. But next second he wrapped his arms around his torso and leaned forward. He was about to throw up.  

“Ney, dude, are you okay?” Dani asked worriedly. Neymar nodded and told them to keep walking. Dani hesitated for a second but they listened him and kept walking. It was not that bad anyways. Neymar was not feeling like puking anymore. But he was still feeling like shit. There was something wrong. He doesn't want to be here anymore. There was something that disturbed him. He put his hands on his knees, leaned forward. His hair fell over the front of his face and the only thing he was able to see was a pair of Adidas shoes. First, he thought Dani being stubborn again and that he came after Neymar but these were too plain to be Dani's. Neymar looked up at the owner of the shoes. A stranger was smiling at him. He was at least 5 years older than him. Maybe early 20s. Sun made it difficult to see his face but Neymar was still able to see his soft looking brown hair and dimples. He smiled softly and put his hand on Neymar's shoulder like they were friends for ages. Neymar raised an eyebrow. The stranger leaned closer, their faces were almost touching each other but Neymar couldn't move. God, this man could be a pervert or a serial killer but only thing Neymar was able to do was looking into those soft, warm brown eyes.

Hey,” he said with a warm and sweet voice, “don't be afraid. I am here.” Neymar was about to ask who the fuck is he and what he wants and why should Neymar trust him but he almost blacked out right there. Neymar fell on his ass, the stone was cold but comforting under his hands. He looked around to see the stranger but there was no one else. Neymar shivered. Was it a ghost? God, Neymar hates horror movies, he most definitely can't deal with a ghost!

“Ney, dude, are you sure you are fine?” Neymar looked around to see the source of voice. Dani was standing at the end of the bridge, his voice calmed Neymar down a little. Neymar opened and closed his mouth. Neymar always shares everything with Dani and Rafinha. He never keeps secrets. But this time a part of him didn't want to talk about it. Especially not with them. Neymar nodded and walked toward them. Dani asked some more questions but Neymar dodged all of them. After that, Neymar couldn't stop thinking about that ghost (or whatever it was).  

“I have been here before.” Neymar finally mumbled without thinking. They were walking to the train station when Dani stopped and raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Oh,” Neymar cursed himself for thinking out loud. The last thing he wants was his friends to think he is crazy. “Nothing.” Dani shrugged and they hopped on their train.  

Of course, they got scolded by their teachers for leaving without saying a word and coming back after dinner but Dani kept saying it was worth it. Neymar was not so sure.  He spent all night watching dark sky through the window next to his bed, tangled in white sheets and sweating due to hot summer night. He couldn't get it out of his mind. Who was it? What was it? Was Neymar daydreaming? This was almost as perfect and realistic as all other scenes he's been seeing since his childhood but he has never seen a human that close and realistic like this one. Neymar was not sure if it was his imagination or not. If it was not, then what was it?

3 days later, Neymar returned to his home and he was still trying to find some answers. His mother was worried about him suddenly being so quiet. She asked him if he is feeling okay or something bad happened in France but Neymar just shrugged. There was nothing wrong with him. Well, at least his mother should believe this.  

A week passed and Neymar finally decided that it was all his stupid brain and imagination and started to forget everything that happened in France.  

But then, something happened again.

Neymar was not very attentive. He was not very careful either. His mother often complained about him being so untidy and disorganized. And it was one of those days where Neymar runs around the house aimlessly because he's late for school. He was making a sandwich for himself when he turned his head and hit his forehead to open kitchen cupboard. He found himself lying on the floor. There was no one else in the house. So it should be really freaked him out when he opened his eyes and came face to face with a young man. But it did not. The same stranger from Avignon was smiling at him.  

“So, what do you think? I still have the tickets.” Neymar blinked openmouthedly as other man walked to their fridge.

“Hey, it's my fridge!” But young man ignored Neymar's protests.  

“I thought you liked Barça. I don't understand why you are refusing to go to the match.” Neymar frowned. If someone offers him a free Barça ticket, Neymar would definetely do everything to go to the match. Yeah, even some disgusting things.  _This guy doesn't know what he is saying_ , Neymar thought. Neymar grabbed counter and pulled himself on his feet. And shivered again. He was going crazy. There was no other explanation. He was alone in the kitchen. And he didn't need to search entire house to know that he was not there. He was going crazy and his family were going to have to send him to a mental hospital. All his life was ruined. And he didn't even get laid yet (a normal thought of a 15 year old boy)!

Neymar actually believed that he was crazy. And he hopelessly tried to avoid the guy or all other scenes he was keep seeing. He thought that if he acts like they don't exist, maybe they would go away. He successed at some point.  

Until his 17th birthday.

If Neymar decides to make a list of worst days of his life, that would be definetely in his top 10. Actually it was supposed to be a great day. He was planning to buy beer (of course it was not legal but who cares) and spent the whole night with Dani and Rafinha. But his plans ruined. Instead, he spent all night trying to console his mother who was half sitting and half lying on the couch and crying. His father left behind a very poorly written letter before running away with his boss' wife, Wanda. After his mother fell asleep, he climbed the stairs up to his room and threw himself on the bed. He curled up in his bed without taking his shoes off and ignored his vibrating cell phone. He bit his pillow in effort not to make any noise as he started crying. But there was no need to. The only person who could hear him was in a deep sleep thanks to sleeping pills. But crying out loud was like accepting that you are weak. When he finally lay flat on his back on the bed, looking at the ceiling, he was too tired to avoid or turn his back to him. His puffy, bloodshot eyes didn't leave the ceiling when the ghost ran his hand through Neymar's hair.  

“I wish I could take your pain away.” Neymar continued to stare at the white ceiling without blinking. “But sometimes we have to feel pain to fully understand the value of what we have and who we have by our side.” He raised himself up on one elbow, looking down at him compassionately before kissing his forehead. This was too realistic, Neymar almost felt the warmness of his lips, and lifting the heavy feeling off his chest. “The good thing is,” he whispered against Neymar's forehead, “you are not alone. I am here. I am with you. And I always will be.” He ran his hand down his arm until their fingers locked on Neymar's belly. “You will always have me.”

Neymar suddenly closed his eyes and buried his face against his chest, breathing him in, trying to forget his father, his mother, his new life. The Ghost didn't say anything. He wrapped his arms around Neymar. That night The Ghost didn't leave Neymar's side until he fell asleep. His imagination procted him from every harm. The Ghost smoothed his hair softly, singing him a lullaby.

Later Neymar thanked his mind for giving him some comfort.  

 

2. **Look beyond the light, where you'd least expect, there's someone special**

 

Neymar is growing up. He is getting older day by day. But this stranger always looks same and he never changes. Truth is, it scares Neymar. He is not real, he is a part of Neymar's imagination, of course he will remain same but Neymar can't stop himself from being uncomfortable with idea of him looking like an old man and him staying young and good looking. Neymar is tired of running away from him and he is not even sure if he wants to. This stranger is the only thing in his life that gives him comfort and peace. And at some point, Neymar forced himself, his mind. _More scenes, more memories_. Yes, somehow he is sure that all these scenes are memories from his past life. He knows it sounds crazy but Neymar can't find another explanation. He thought every possibility and seriously, this is the most logical one.  

If he is right and these are memories of him, then he wonders what this stranger was to him. He doesn't know if they were friends or classmates or neighbours. Maybe they worked together. But if there is one thing Neymar knows for sure, it's that he liked him a lot. Nothing like a something between close friends, nor like a crush. Everytime Neymar remembers something else, something more, his heart wakes up with his brain and they work together.  _I must have loved him so much_ , he thought.

 

 

Neymar angrily throws puzzle pieces away and buries his face in his hands. He is not answering his phone or leaving his home for two days now. Dani tried to see him, come to their home but Neymar pretended like he was not at home. After his father left them, his mother woke up like nothing happened, made breakfast and got ready for work. Neymar watched her with tired eyes, 'I am not going to let that bastard ruin our life' his mother said as she wore her shoes. She kissed his forehead before leaving. Neymar touched his forehead, where his mother kissed (andhe kissed), and wondered if he was dreaming again last night or it was real. Neymar spent an entire day watching TV. Dani and Rafinha came to his home again but Neymar didn't answer the door. Later, at night, he sent them a message saying he is fine but busy. The Ghost didn't visit him again. Next day his mother left for work really early again and Neymar thought he doesn't want to spend another day watching TV. He found a 1000 piece puzzle on a dusty shelf. But soon he discovered that he is not very good at it. Maybe because there are many things that distract him. And his father leaving his family behind for a blonde bimbo is only one of them. Neymar looks at the pieces angrily and mumbles.

“Where are you now? I need you.”

 

 

“What is wrong, Ney?” Dani looks at his friend through his sunglasses which he doesn't take off even in the school. Neymar decided to go to school after 3 days. Because a-) he can't not go to school for 3 days straight, b-) he would go crazy (he seriously believes he went crazy already) if he stayed a little longer in that house. That school he always hated now seems like a heaven.

Neymar plays with his lunch without looking at Dani. Rafinha takes a bite of his apple and grimaces.

“Guys, I guess I just ate an apple maggot.” Dani rolls his eyes at him and turns his attention to Neymar.

“Hey.” Neymar shrugs.

“Nothing.”

“Are you sure?” Neymar nods but Dani still doesn't look convinced. Neymar wishes they could leave him alone. He does not want their attention. The only person whose attention Neymar wants is nowhere to be seen. And Neymar is beginning to worry. Is he leaving Neymar now? Neymar avoided him for so long that maybe finally he successed and he won't see him again. But Neymar is not sure how he feels about it. And he does not think he wants to get rid of him. Not now. Not ever.

 

 

When Neymar got his first tattoo, he was 17. Of course it is not legal but Neymar was careless about laws and other things since his father left him and his mother. And he won't let his age stop him. He was not trying to be a rebel, he was not trying to become a _bad guy_. It only happens in movies. A tattoo doesn't make you that cool, bad boy. But now that his father is not on the way and his mother is so focused on working, there is nothing to stop him. Dani got a tattoo before and he knows a trustworthy place where they will ignore Neymar's age. He got a tattoo which says ' _tudo passa_  '. When he told Dani what he wants, he raised an eyebrow. 

“Seriously Ney?” Neymar shrugged and said he wants this one. Tattoo artist nodded and started working. Neymar chose his neck. By this way, whenever he looks at mirror he will be reminding himself this;  _Tudo passa_. 

 

 

“Tudo passa.” Neymar is having another sleepless night, watching sky through his window when he heard the voice he missed so much, whispering against the skin of his neck. He shivers. And it has nothing to do with cold. “Nice tattoo.”

“Thanks.” Neymar says as he looks at the face he is so happy to see again. Other man smiles at him softly. 

“Everything looks good on you.” Neymar smiles lazily and runs his hand through other man's hair. No holding back. Not anymore. Neymar only cares about this moment now. Everything else can wait. He is so tired of trying, running away, hiding.

“Liar.” Young man laughs silently and presses his forehead against Neymar's. Neymar thinks he should make him laugh more often. He laughs so beautifully.

“Do you think I am a liar?” Young man whispers. And Neymar does not answer. They stare into each other's eyes for a while. Finally Neymar's most secret dreams comes true. Young man leans closer and their lips touch each other. His experience with kissing is all about girls he kissed behind closed doors in high school. But this is nothing like them. Because this time he is not doing this to prove himself with foolishness of a teenage boy. He really wants this, fuck, he's actually dreamed of this moment. So Neymar deepens the kiss, wrapping one of his arm around his shoulder as his other hand runs through his hair. Other man smiles into the kiss and pulls away. They breathe heavily against each other's lips, almost touching. Neymar whispers in a single breath.

“ _Leo._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> To be honest, Neymessi is not my OTP. I don't ship them so hard. I have, like, 5 other ships that I like more than Neymessi. But, I don't know, writing them is so easy.


End file.
